A few weeks ago I was asked by Wolf Blitzer if I thought Sarah Palin could get elected president, and I said I hope not, but I wouldn't put anything past this stupid country.
It was amazing - in the minute or so between my calling America stupid and the end of the Cialis commercial, CNN was flooded with furious emails and the twits hit the fan. And you could tell that these people were really mad because they wrote entirely in CAPITAL LETTERS!!! It's how they get the blood circulating when the Cialis wears off. Worst of all, Bill O'Reilly refuted my contention that this is a stupid country by calling me a pinhead, which A) proves my point, and B) is really funny coming from a doody-face like him.
Now, the hate mail all seemed to have a running theme: that I may live in a stupid country, but they lived in the greatest country on earth, and that perhaps I should move to another country, like Somalia. Well, the joke's on them because I happen to have a summer home in Somalia... and no I can't show you an original copy of my birth certificate because Woody Harrelson spilled bong water on it.
And before I go about demonstrating how, sadly, easy it is to prove the dumbness dragging down our country, let me just say that ignorance has life and death consequences. On the eve of the Iraq War, 69% of Americans thought Saddam Hussein was personally involved in 9/11. Four years later, 34% still did. Or take the health care debate we're presently having: members of Congress have recessed now so they can go home and "listen to their constituents." An urge they should resist because their constituents don't know anything. At a recent town-hall meeting in South Carolina, a man stood up and told his Congressman to "keep your government hands off my Medicare," which is kind of like driving cross country to protest highways...
We don't have a Left and a Right party in this country anymore. We have a center-Right party and a crazy party. And over the last thirty-odd years, Democrats have moved to the Right, and the Right has moved into a mental hospital..."
If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments...
It's been a week now, and I still don't know what those "tea bag" protests were about. I saw signs protesting abortion, illegal immigrants, the bank bailout and that gay guy who's going to win "American Idol." But it wasn't tax day that made them crazy; it was election day. Because that's when Republicans became what they fear most: a minority.
The conservative base is absolutely apoplectic because, because... well, nobody knows. They're mad as hell, and they're not going to take it anymore. Even though they're not quite sure what "it" is. But they know they're fed up with "it," and that "it" has got to stop.
Here are the big issues for normal people: the war, the economy, the environment, mending fences with our enemies and allies, and the rule of law.
And here's the list of Republican obsessions since President Obama took office: that his birth certificate is supposedly fake, he uses a teleprompter too much, he bowed to a Saudi guy, Europeans like him, he gives inappropriate gifts, his wife shamelessly flaunts her upper arms, and he shook hands with Hugo Chavez and slipped him the nuclear launch codes.
Do these sound like the concerns of a healthy, vibrant political party?
It's sad what's happened to the Republicans. They used to be the party of the big tent; now they're the party of the sideshow attraction, a socially awkward group of mostly white people who speak a language only they understand. Like Trekkies, but paranoid.
The GOP base is convinced that Obama is going to raise their taxes (which he just lowered). But, you say, "that's just the fringe of the Republican Party!" No, it's not. The governor of Texas, Rick Perry, is not afraid to say publicly that thinking out loud about Texas seceding from the Union is appropriate considering that... Obama wants to raise taxes 3% on 5% of the people?
I'm not sure exactly what Perry's independent nation would look like, but I'm pretty sure it would be free of taxes and Planned Parenthood. And I would have to totally rethink my position on a border fence.
I know. It's not about what Obama's done. It's what he's planning. But you can't be sick and tired of something someone might do.
Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota recently said she fears that Obama will build "reeducation" camps to indoctrinate young people. But Obama hasn't made any moves toward taking anyone's guns, and with money as tight as it is, the last thing the president wants to do is run a camp where he has to shelter and feed a bunch of fat, angry white people.
Look, I get it, "real America." After an eight-year run of controlling the White House, Congress and the Supreme Court, this latest election has you feeling like a rejected husband. You've come home to find your things out on the front lawn -- or at least more things than you usually keep out on the front lawn. You're not ready to let go, but the country you love is moving on. And now you want to call it a whore and key its car.
That's what you are, the bitter divorced guy whose country has left him — obsessing over it, haranguing it, blubbering one minute about how much you love it and vowing the next that if you cannot have it, nobody will.
But it's been almost 100 days, and your country is not coming back to you. She's found somebody new. And it's a black guy.
The healthy thing to do is to just get past it and learn to cherish the memories. You'll always have New Orleans and Abu Ghraib.
And if today's conservatives are insulted by this, because they feel they're better than the people who have the microphone in their party, then I say to them what I would say to moderate Muslims: Denounce your radicals. To paraphrase George W. Bush, either you're with them or you're embarrassed by them.
The thing that you people out of power have to remember is that the people in power are not secretly plotting against you. They don't need to. They already beat you in public.
Bill Maher talks to economist Jeffrey Sachs, director of Columbia University's Earth Institute (and author of Common Wealth) on alternative fuel and a sustainable energy plan...
"...if we put a little bit of thought to it, a small part of the Mojave Desert could provide more than half of the electricity needs of the United States without emitting any carbon dioxide, just using the solar power that’s available... But how much are we investing in this?
We’re investing basically an hour or two of what we spend on the Pentagon for the whole year of our federal research budget right now. The total research budget of the Bush administration on sustainable energy resources has been between 2 and 3 billion dollars, which is 1-1 ½ days of what we spend on the Pentagon..."
The writers are back, and so are Maher's New Rules - including jabs at Roger Clemens's giant head, terrorist fashion statements, Bush's war addiction, Romney’s coward sons, McCain’s zombie army and more...
Bill Maher on airborne politicians, Old Spice, Dumbledore, trick-or-treaters, what you should be afraid of, and more:
☺
P.S. I had the opportunity to meet Greg Palast at Columbia College last night (courtesy of BuzzFlash/WCPT). If you haven't picked up a copy of his Armed Madhouse yet, you really should. From hijacked ballot boxes in New Mexico and unmetered oil pipelines in Iraq to slippery characters like Wackenhut, ChoicePoint and Innovative Emergency Management, this guy makes most MSM "investigative reporters" look like a bunch of Jimmy Olsens.
New Rule: Republicans changed their party before - from the party that freed the slaves to the party that freed Scooter Libby - and they survived. Now it's time for them to stop pretending they're still the party of Reagan and take up a new banner: The Party of Superfreaky Superfreaks.
This week, John Bryan the chairman of the St. Petersburg, Florida, City Council was accused of having sex with his two adopted daughters and their nanny. And he could have been in real trouble, too, if it turned out the nanny was an illegal. But he got ahead of the story when he killed himself by sitting in the garage with the doors closed and the riding lawn mower on.
Two guesses which party he was a member of. And the first guess doesn't count.
And that's not fair. You knew he was a Republican, because even in death, he was still wasting gas.
Republicans sex scandals are getting to be like Iraqi car bombings. By the time you hear about one, there's been another. Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, Bob Allen, Vitter, Craig... It's like "Clue" only the answer is always "A Republican... in the washroom... with his cock."
The Republicans should run on that. "America: You're 230 But We'll Still Fuck You." Especially if you're a dude.
It's not really inspiring, but it's better than "Mitt Romney: He Has Hair."
This is international terrorist, prison escapee and illegal U.S. immigrant Luis Posada Carriles, wanted in connection with the downing of a commercial aircraft in 1976 that killed 73 innocent people, as well as a series of hotel bombings in 1997.
Just the kind of evil, bloodthirsty bastard that our heroic administration is battling in its "global war on terror," wouldn't you say?
P.S. To Crier's point... have a look at some of Right Wing Radio's Greatest Hits. Fuckin' jackals.
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And finally -
P.S. Farewell to Hawaiian crooner Don Ho, dead at age 76. (There's a "nappy-headed" joke just *ahem* dying to be made here, but it just wouldn't be respectful.)
"I mail myself a copy of the Constitution every morning just on the hope they'll open it and see what it says..."
And in U.S. Attorney Scandal news...
Jim Macdonald reiterates the utter idiocy (and desperation) of the "Clinton Did it Too" defense.
And check out John Bender's take on how the Bush administration has - quite astonishingly - turned the Clinton administration into the gold standard that they themselves should be measured against:
"Every chance they get, the Bush spin machine points out that Clinton did the same thing Bush is doing. They jump at any opportunity to justify George the Younger’s actions by saying Clinton did it too. Were it not so pathetic, and so tragic for our republic, it would be funny. These same people railed against Clinton when he did these things, but use him as justification for Bush’s actions..."
And finally - one of my favorite morning stops: BuzzFlash's GOP Hypocrite of the Week. Never disappointing.
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