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It's a program Florida parents go to for help when their children need health care, and in these tough economic times, KidCare's phones are as busy as ever. So, Governor Charlie Crist made a recording for parents who are put on hold when they're calling for information about the health insurance program. "You can apply at www.flkidcare.org or by calling (number)," the recording says... Just one, small problem...  The number the governor gave had nothing to do with KidCare. It sent callers to quite a different number - a recording that says, "Hey there, sexy guy, welcome to an exciting new way to go live one on one with hot, horny girls waiting right now to talk to you." The governor's office said callers have been hearing the wrong number for at least two months (!), explaining that the mistake was with the script the governor read from. "He read it right, the script was wrong," said Crist spokesman Sterling Ivey. "We had transposed the numbers in drafting the script in error, just had phone number there." The governor's office said it has no idea how many people may have called the sex line, and officials said the minute they found out about the problem, they took the message down. "There was no malice intent from the governor's office... no one had any clue..." said Ivey. No clue, indeed. ☺Tags: comedy, ouch, phone sex
From: Chicago
Mood:  Amused
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...well, one of 'em, at least. Woke up this morning with that all-too familiar, deep pain in my lower back and a terrible stomach ache. Pretty much kept me on the couch the entire day, complete with a low-grade fever, chills and zero appetite...  Sure enough, I just woke from a long nap, went to take a whiz and - *whomp* - was nearly knocked to my knees by a passing kidney stone. Big fucker, too. Shit really hurts. So, how was your day? :/ Tags: jesus fucking christ, kidney stones, medicine, ouch
From: Chicago
Mood:  Sore
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Hat-tip ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) filkertom... Joseph Carmine Bonsignore, better known as Joey Styles (former ECW and WWE wrestling announcer and current Director of Digital Media Content for Vince McMahon's World Wrestling Entertainment) recently opened up his own personal Twitter account. It turns out that, in addition to updates about what's going on in the WWE, Styles has been using his Twitter to make postings that reveal him to be a total right-wing nutjob. Well his postings haven't gone unnoticed by TNA wrestling promoter (and unabashed liberal) Jim Cornette, who went into a righteous rant at the beginning of one of his appearances on the Who's Slamming Who podcast, including a few choice digs at McMahon. This rant is a thing of beauty. Even if you're not a pro wrestling fan, it's worth every minute:
Full Transcript HereTags: ouch, politics, republican scum, right-wing lunatics, wrestling
From: Chicago
Mood: Hell Yes
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Remember earlier this year, when Texas's secessionist governor Rick Perry was one of only a handful of Republicans who boldly refused some federal stimulus funds from President Obama's economic recovery package on the grounds that there were "too many strings attached" to the money? (cue Benny Hill "Yakety Sax" theme song)...
 Now - just a few months later - Texas is in dire financial straits, and Perry is asking the federal government for a loan to cover the very expenses the rejected stimulus money would have paid for (to the tune of $170 million). In March, Perry rejected $555 million that would have covered state unemployment benefits, explaining that he was not accepting the money because the state would have been obligated to expand its unemployment coverage, creating too much of a long term tax burden. At the time, Texas Workforce Commission Chairman Tom Pauken reportedly warned that the state's unemployment compensation trust fund could be operating at a deficit by October, but Perry paid him no mind. As Democratic State Representative Mark Strama points out: "That $555 million would that would have come with the stimulus money wouldn't have to be paid back to the federal government, and that would have saved business taxpayers money for the next 20 years." Nice going there, Rick. Let's hope Ms. Hutchinson makes the most of it come election season. Idiot. P.S. Off to Wisconsin for the weekend to attend our favorite charity's annual picnic/awards ceremony. Hope y'all have a great one, and seeya next week. Tags: dumb americans, economy, ouch, rednecks, right-wing hack, texas
From: Chicago
Mood: Sweet
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Literally.  I spent the better part of two hours this evening preparing a 100%-from-scratch, four-cheese deep dish pizza. Turned out really, really nicely, too... golden, crumbly crust, chunky-rich tomato, garlic & oregano base, black olives, fresh mushrooms and artichoke hearts in the middle... thick, gooey, and perfectly browned on top... Sounds good, doesn't it? Bet you're even feeling a tad bit envious, aren't you? Yeah, well... Being the hopelessly compulsive imbecile that I am, I took a big ol' bite of a center slice before letting it cool properly, and basically caramelized the entire roof of my mouth. I'm talking Hiroshima-level tissue damage here. Almost three hours later (i.e. as we speak), the seared flesh is still peeling off in solid sheets... Needless to say, I can't put anything in my mouth at this point (as I woefully eye a half-bottle of Don Julio and two fresh, ripe limes sitting on the bar). Even the little cup of warm milk I drank to help wash down four fucking ibuprofin tabs burned like a crematory chamber... and the crushed ice that Madame "swears by" is only making matters worse. So here I sit, like a sideshow pinhead... not only writhing in agony, but starving, to boot. Put that in your "OMG I had a bad day!" pipe and smoke it.Tags: cooking, jesus fucking christ, ouch
From: Chicago
Mood: Gah
Now Playing: www.mayoclinic.com/health/pain/PN00017
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Poor House Republicans...  They were pretty psyched yesterday about that sassy new troop-rallying video from Minority Whip Eric Cantor that used Aerosmith's "Back in the Saddle" to declare that "The House GOP is back!" thanks to the party's unanimous opposition to the stimulus. Unfortunately, Aerosmith wasn't feeling the love. Cantor's clip has been pulled from YouTube after a copyright infringement claim made by Stage Three Music, which owns the rights to "Back in the Saddle." The GOP's use of the tune "was something we, as the publishers, didn't approve and would not have approved without going to the writers," said Connie Ashton, director of copyright and licensing at Stage Three. "Aerosmith did not approve of its use and also wanted to have it taken down," she added. Perhaps a little ditty by Pat Boone next time, eh, fellas? ☺Tags: comedy, dumb americans, gop meltdown, ouch, republican implosion
From: Chicago
Mood: Amused
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For the second time in 9 months, gangsta rap has-been and bona fide thug Marion "Suge" Knight had his lights put out...  According to Scottsdale police, the fun started at a private party at the W Hotel that Suge was attending for NBA All-Star weekend. Cops say they were called to the scene by hotel security who warned about a brewing fight between two groups in the VIP area. When they arrived, they saw a man punch Suge "two times in the head," whereupon they broke out the tasers to "quell the fight." The suspect, Robert Carnes Jr., was charged with one count of aggravated assault (ruled a felony "due to the severity of the victim's injuries"). Another man was also arrested and charged with one count of misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Authorities said that "Carnes reported to officers that he is employed as the business manager for singer Akon," although Akon's people claim Carnes is merely "with Akon's camp." As for ol' Suge, he was transported to a local hospital and treated for facial injuries. Another fine addition to his sparkling resumé.Tags: asshole, crime, dumb americans, loathsome people, ouch
From: Chicago
Mood:  Idiot
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Remember this from yesterday?
 Well, it's turned into this today: Minnesota Democrat El Tinklenberg’s campaign has received an “overwhelming” amount of contributions since his Republican opponent, Rep. Michele Bachmann, told MSNBC’s Chris Matthews that she believed the media should investigate whether members of Congress are “anti-American.” Tinklenberg’s communications director, Kate Munson, said that online support has been strong, and that donations coming through Act Blue are now over $180,000 (coming from more than 4,000 supporters). “We’ve had an overwhelming amount of online support,” she said. “We’re still counting so it’s impossible to give an accurate estimate.” She says the campaign will make an announcement of the figure Monday morning. P.S. An online petition to censure Bachmann (which is not affiliated with the Tinklenberg campaign) now includes more than 35,000 signatures. You know what to do... right?UPDATE (10/19): Nearly $500K raised and 45K signatures on the censure petition. Yes! Tags: '08 elections, congress, failure, gop lizard queens, ouch, republican scum
From: Chicago
Mood: Backfire!
Now Playing: 'No Woman, No Cry' - Bob Marley
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A collection of stuff I found in the ol' driftnet over the past fews days... enjoy!  • E&P is reporting more (and more) major newspapers around the country backing Obama/Biden... including some very pleasant surprises. • And speaking of surprising endorsements... this one actually rose from the dead to back That One. • The folks at the Wall Street Journal are shitting their collective pants. I'm lovin' it. • Johnny Mac, The Barracuda and the Politics of Hate. • Zina Saunders rocks my world. • So does muffybolding. • Rush Limbaugh loves the mud people. • For those of you that thought Wingnutistan radio host Bob Grant couldn't possibly be any dumber... he is. • Former Reagan speechwriter and conservative columnist Peggy Noonan is not at all pleased with Yukon Barbie. Ouch. • And speaking of Barbie... this young lady would like a word with you, Governor. • Headcandy has your free candidate Halloween mask right here. • Spend an evening with Ann Coulter. And finally... I can be a cruel sonofabitch sometimes, which probably explains why this video had me rolling on the carpet. 
16 DAYS TO LIFT-OFF!Tags: '08 elections, cool links, ouch, politics
From: Chicago
Mood: BBQ
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(Hat-tip Bob Lewis)Republican Sarah Palin mistook some of her own fans for hecklers Monday at a rally in the parking lot of the Richmond International Raceway. The crowd had spread across the lot, and scores of people on the outer periphery more than 100 yards from the stage could not hear. "Louder! Louder!" they began chanting, and the cry spread across the crowd to Palin's left. Palin stopped her remarks briefly and peered toward the commotion. "I hope those protesters have the courage and honor to give veterans thanks for their right to protest," she said mockingly. Bonus: On a sunny day in which many had stood in place for more than three hours without shade, at least 25 people collapsed from heat-related illnesses and three were hospitalized. Let's hope they all had health coverage, eh, Barbie?Tags: '08 elections, dumb americans, gop lizard queens, hillbillies, ouch, rednecks, republican implosion
From: Chicago
Mood: Amused
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Amen
Not Amused
ROFL
Ouch
Cruel Streak
Blessings. Count Them.
*headwall*
WTF?
Dusty
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